4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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