I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
