I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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