You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
