I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I love you.
Bad choice
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
