She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
