oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
