8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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