Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
