There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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