i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
