That's when you crack a 10am beer
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
