Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
