Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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