I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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