You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Randomize
