If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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