At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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