no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
