When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
it's not cheating when I paid for it
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
