OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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