Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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