This dress was meant to end up on your floor
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
