i used baking grease as lip gloss
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
