You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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