Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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