So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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