Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
