I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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