dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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