We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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