don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
