I'm really into asian looking animals
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
