Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
you never un-have a 4some
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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