Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
