Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My ass is underappreciated
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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