We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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