I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
