hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
