he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just got carded by a ten year old.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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