Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I wanna passion pit in your ass
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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