If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
