Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
