# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
