i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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