God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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