i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
