It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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