i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
