How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
