I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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