tonight lets celebrate not being married
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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