God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
