Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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