I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
