i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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