Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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