Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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