May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
