Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
