You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
