i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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