At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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