saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
