haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
