You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
