guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I am naked and annoyed.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
