im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize