my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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