Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
