So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
