I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Two words: blizzard sex
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
